Never phone the U.S. embassy

My work colleague has plans to travel to America for a skiing holiday at the end of the month. We're very excited that he's going, because it means we can ask him to bring stuff back for us, like Cholula Mexican hot sauce or Gatorade drink mix.

The U.S. has new-ish requirements for overseas visitors, including Kiwis. Kiwis can still travel to the U.S. without a visa under the Visa Waiver Program, as long as they meet certain requirements. For instance, if you are a drug trafficker or a terrorist, you are not eligible for a visa waiver. Regular people are eligible, but now they first need to apply online for travel authorisation at least 72 hours before they travel. My colleague was asking me about this the other day. I suggested that he go online to find out exactly what needed to be done. He said he would phone the U.S. Embassy instead.

Here is where I discovered an interesting cultural difference. I would never consider telephoning the American government for help in any situation. I would always look first to the appropriate website. I would assume that the information online is the most complete and up-to-date information available, ready to be consumed by me without any attitude from some bored government worker. I would further assume that the government does not want me to call them, because if everyone called, they would have to talk to all those people, and that would just be time-consuming and expensive. For this very reason, the government has provided everything I need to know on the Internet. This way, no one has to bother anyone else.

Compare this now with the attitude of my colleague, who has lived in New Zealand all his life. It is perfectly reasonable in his mind to phone the government to get questions answered. Of course the U.S. Embassy wants to help him, that's the whole reason those workers are there: to help people. Moreover, he knows there was nearly a terrorist attack on Christmas day, and rules may have been changed since then. He wants the most up-to-date information, so he needs to talk to a live person. He thinks this will be the most efficient way to get his questions answered.

What do you think happened when my colleague phoned the U.S. Embassy? Luckily, he made the call on speakerphone so we could all listen in.

U.S. Embassy in Wellington: Embassy.

Him: Hi, this is [full name], I'm traveling to the United States for holiday in a few weeks. I'm calling to find out what I need to do before I go.

I have to pause here. I would have never told the government worker my full name. Again, I assume they don't care to talk to me in the first place - they probably care even less to know my name. My Kiwi colleague on the other hand - he's ready to make a friend out of this phone call. It kind of reminded me of Crocodile Dundee trying to introduce himself to everyone on the sidewalks in New York City.

U.S.: Are you a citizen of New Zealand?

Him: Yes.

(...some other questions about eligibility...)

U.S.: Do you have a criminal record?

Him: Oh, just a ticket for underage drinking back in 1978. Nothing else.

U.S.: Since you have a criminal record, you will need to apply for a visa. You will have to fly to Auckland for a 20-minute interview with a visa officer. You will have to pay a fee of $180.

Him: .... um, it's just a ticket, I think the fine was $20... it was 30 years ago when I was a juvenile .... that's not really a criminal record, is it?

U.S.: (not listening, and apparently reading from a script) As you have a criminal record, you will have to apply for a visa.

My bewildered colleague argued a little more with the disinterested worker before ending the phone call. He was devastated. And to add insult to injury, he had paid $2.00 per minute for this.

"And I told her my name!!" he said.

"Don't worry," I told him, "there's no chance she took note of it."

At this point, I felt an obligation as an American citizen to help out. I did what I had advised him to do in the first place - I went to the website. Sure enough, the Department of Homeland Security website has everything an overseas visitor needs to know about gaining authorisation before traveling to the U.S. It's all laid out in plain English. Most importantly, it clearly says that a Kiwi is eligible to travel to the U.S. without a visa as long as he does not have any convictions for offenses involving controlled substances or "crimes involving moral turpitude" - a phrase that is helpfully explained on the website. Based on this information, my colleague decided his $20 ticket for underage drinking would not bar him from visiting America afterall.

It's a shame that my colleague had such a bad experience phoning the U.S. Embassy, but it highlights a big difference between our two countries. New Zealand is small enough that you really can call a representative of the government and talk to a live person who might be interested in knowing your name. Not so in America. There are just too many people there.